RUBBISH

“Just like fairy tales, our lives, no matter how bad it seemed at first, would be beautiful in the end, if they were not, then it wasn’t the end yet”. I believed it; I lived my life thinking that I would be like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, or Belle in Beauty and the Beast. The point is, I believed that I was destined to be happy, just like those princesses in fairy tales. However, life is not a fairy tale, my prince did come, but he was not a prince like he was supposed to be.

Image courtesy of Wallapapercave

I wonder what brought me here; was it love or was it stupidity? I let out a sigh and sit on the wet white sand. I fold my legs and hug my knees. It isn’t cold at all, instead, it’s hot like hell, but I can’t feel anything, but sadness. My dream is shattered in front of me, washed away by the waves of the colorful ocean. Am I dreaming? Oceans are always blue, why is the sea in front of me colorful?

I stand up and look more cautiously, oh just plastic rubbish. I sit again and ignore the colorful plastic rubbish floating on the water. I start trying to find the answer of my first question; what brought me here? My life was so wonderful before. I had a seemed-to-be perfect boyfriend and parents who loved me very much. I was just like a princess, surrounded and loved by people whom I loved too. I thought nothing could ruin my happiness, but I was wrong.

It began three months ago when I went for a date with Andhika, my prince. He took me to a night club and asked me to drink some alcoholic drink. I refused at first, but he convinced me. I didn’t know what I drank; only a few seconds after I drank my first sip, I felt my head so heavy and my legs tremble. I could hardly stand, so I leaned on the counter. Maybe it was only my imagination, I saw Andhika smirk. He threw his cigarette and grasped my hands, “Are you alright?”

“Please take me home.” I spoke slowly.

At that time, I started feeling warm beneath my skin, and I also felt something strange. I never felt like that before. I was like being driven by a power beyond my control. I wasn’t myself.

I didn’t know how and why, suddenly we were already inside a hotel room. Andhika was sleeping soundly beside me; I was about to wake him up when suddenly my eyes caught something on the messy white sheet, dried blood! Whose blood was it? I lifted the blanket that covered my body and I found out a shocking truth; it was mine! Tears ran down on my cheeks just like a river. I cried and cried until the one who stole my virginity woke up. He smiled and hugged my naked body tightly, “I love you, Indah.”

Andhika changed after that day, he became someone I never thought he could be. He was violent. I should’ve left him, but I was addicted to him. I really loved him and I thought he would be my gentle prince like he used to be, but again, I was wrong.

I felt very guilty, I should’ve never done it, not until we got married, but marriage seemed to be an alien word that didn’t exist in his dictionary. Yesterday I found out another shocking truth, I’m pregnant, yes, there’s a life inside my belly. I told Andhika about it and asked him to be responsible. I asked him to marry me, but what he said was beyond my expectation, “How do I know that it’s my baby? Who knows how many men you’ve slept with?”

I lifted my right arm and slapped him hard. How could he say such harsh words to me, someone who did and gave up anything for him?

He took something out from his pants pocket and handed it to me, “Have an abortion with this money and stay away from my life!”

I really wanted to slap that bastard again, but I realized it was useless. I left him without taking the money. I drove my car swiftly to my house with tears that couldn’t stop falling down from my eyes.

I saw my parents watching TV in the living room. They stood up and walked towards me as they saw me crying, “What happened, Dear? Why are you crying?” my mother caressed my hair.

I hugged her and buried my face on her soft chest, “Please forgive me, Mom.”

“What’s wrong, Indah?”

I could not say anything for what I had to say was something my parents never wanted to hear.

“Did Andhika hurt you?”

Hurt me? He killed me, Mom! I wanted to scream, but nothing came out from my mouth.

“If you don’t answer your mother’s question, I’ll call him.” Said my father.

“No, Dad!” I looked at him, I cried even harder seeing his old wrinkled face “I ... I... I’m pregnant.” I fell on the floor.

What happened next was very painful. I can’t even describe it. I was kicked out from my own house by my own parents. They didn’t want to listen to my explanation. They said harsh words to me. Did they really think I wanted it?

The sound of the roaring waves brings me back to the present. I rub my damp cheeks and begin to observe the plastic rubbish. They are just like me. They were precious, so was I. They are useless now, I am too. We are thrown away, unwanted, unloved. Maybe this is the end, the very end, of my life. Maybe I should end my misery here. There’s no point in grieving and regretting. There’s no need to wish I could go back to in time. My life has ended, just like the plastic rubbish.

I stand up and walk into the water. Yes Indah, this is the best way. I don’t look back for I’m afraid if I do it I’ll change my mind. I keep on walking until the stinky sea water reaches my knees. I take some plastic rubbish and imagining their beauty before they became useless. I stand still, and tears fall down again. It shouldn’t be like this. This isn’t what my fairy tales told me. I cry in silence and take more plastic rubbish.

“What a surprise, a young lady is collecting rubbish in the middle of day.” I heard someone talk behind me. I turned around and found an old man.

“I clean this beach every morning but the rubbish, especially plastic rubbish, keeps on ruining the scenery here.”

I don’t know what this old man is saying.

He walks toward me, “I’m glad there is someone else who is aware of this issue too.” He smiled, “What’s your name?”

“Indah.”

“I’m Wayan. Let’s start collecting this rubbish. If you want, I’ll show you how this rubbish which most people think is useless, can be something useful.” He starts collecting rubbish around him.

Is he kidding me? Rubbish, just like me, is useless. I should leave this crazy man, but I don’t know why I help him collect the plastic rubbish. We do it for about half an hour, but it doesn’t make much difference. The sea is still covered by colorful rubbish.

Mister Wayan takes me to his home and shows me something I’ve never imagined before. He does something magical to the plastic rubbish he collects. He changes it into something beautiful, and useful. He creates purses, photo frames, and wallets made of plastic rubbish.

“Many people aren’t aware of the disaster they will cause if they keep on throwing rubbish into the river and sea. It can cause flood and flood will bring many diseases. They don’t know that plastic rubbish can be useful. Anyway are you from a nature lover organization? I saw you collecting rubbish.”

How can I tell this man that I was about to commit suicide? “You’re right, Sir. Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“What’s for?”

“For the lesson you gave me.”

This old man is right. Rubbish can be useful, and I can too. How stupid I was to think about ending my life. “Just like movies and fairytales, our lives, no matter how bad it seemed at first, would be beautiful at the end, if they were not, then it was not the end yet”. It hasn’t come to an end yet. I can be useful. I can do something useful. I touched my belly and smiled, “Hang in there, Dear, we’ll go through this together.”

             

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