Somebody's Me (English)

SOMEBODY'S ME

You, do you remember me like I remember you?

Do you spend your life going back in your mind to that time?

'Cause I, I walk the streets alone

I hate being on my own

And everyone can see that

I really fell

And I’m going through hell

Thinking about you with somebody else

image courtesy of  Holohololand at freedigitalphotos

Enrique Igleasias’s melancholy song floats in the air, over and over again, bringing back all the memories I once shared with you. Do you still remember me like I remember you?  Do you spend your life going back in your mind to that time? ‘Cause I, I walk the streets alone. I hate being on my own. And everyone can see that I really fell and I’m going through hell thinking about you with somebody else.

Three months. I know it wasn’t a long period of time, but you know what? It was the best three months of my life. And I’d do anything to get back there, to feel the warmth of our togetherness.

It was one beautiful windy day; strong winds were blowing away flowers and dried leaves. You walked slowly while listening to music through head phones. I watched you, mesmerized.

You didn’t bump into me, not like in the movies, you just walked away, like I’d been just a dry leaf blown by the wind. I turned around, following you slowly. Like an experienced stalker, I watched your every movement. Sometimes you shook your head, sometimes nodded, enjoying the rhythm of the song you were listening to. I had no idea why I followed you, all I know was, I wanted to follow you.

I counted your steps, hoping you would look back, even just once, but you were still busy listening to the song, you didn't even realize I had followed you until you disappeared round the corner and I decided to return home because it was already dusk.

I wondered, who are you? I hadn't seen you before. Were you a new neighbor? Or a new student who moved to my school?

“Nayla...” someone shouted my name.

“Wait...” she shouted again. She was Sintia, my best friend.

“What’s up?” I asked as soon as she walked beside me.

             

“There’s a new student.” A smile appeared on her face, “The kids said he’s drop-dead gorgeous.” She added while widening her smile.

A new student? Could it be you? My heart suddenly beat faster. Yes, it must’ve been you.

“Hey, why are you silent?” Sintia patted my shoulder.

             

I didn’t know what to answer, so I just gave her a poker face.

             

“Have you seen the new student?” Sintia asked thoughtfully.

             

I nodded slowly.

             

“When? Where? Why didn’t you tell me? Is he really that handsome? “

             

I tried to hide a smile that suddenly appeared because I imagined your sweet face.

             

“Come on, tell me!” she looked very curious.

             

“Not bad.” I said while speeding up my pace. I didn’t want her to notice my blushing cheeks. Just thinking about you could make me feel this way, imagine if I saw you, talked to you, touched you….

Sintia kept on showering me with tons of questions about the new student. I simply said yes or no or maybe, not willing to share much about you, not that I knew much though hehe.           

             

When we reached the classroom, a group of students seemed to crowd around a desk. It must have been you! My heart was beating fast again, racing with sweats that began to wet my temples.

             

“That must be him.” Sintia immediately burst into the crowd, while I was rooted to where I was standing. Meeting in a romantic place, and by chance being classmates, is this a sign? Maybe we really are meant to be together!

             

I was just about to step my foot when Sintia approached me with a frown, “Why didn't you say that the new student was a girl?” She said irritably. I was too surprised to respond. My mouth was open, but no words came out.

“Yeah,  cute and all, but a girl, huh...” Sintia put her bag on her desk and sat down.

I sat next to her, “A girl...” I sighed, as if to myself. You are a boy! I'm really sure you're a guy! I know your face is sweet, like Korean men who sometimes look like girls, but I'm one hundred percent sure that you're a boy!

“Yes, a girl.”

It turned out that the new student was indeed a girl, her name was Anita. She was very beautiful and friendly. In an instant, we’ve become close friends because we both happened to be Korean drama fans.

             

“I have a lot of Korean drama DVDs at home, you can borrow some if you want.” She said when we parted ways at the school gates.

             

“Really?” I asked surprisingly. We’d just met and she offered to lend Korean drama DVDs which were very difficult to find in the small town where I lived.

             

“Of course. What if we go straight to my house? “

             

“Sure. Where’s your house?”

             

“Not far, turn right at the crossroad, next to Alfamart. ”

             

“Isn't that a shophouse complex?”

             

“Yes, I live there. My father just opened a shoe store.”

             

We went to Anita's house on foot because it was within a walking distance from school. The shophouse building was two stories high. Downstairs were shops and upstairs were the houses. I turned briefly to Anita's father's shoe store, I saw a head poking out of a tall shelf storing hundreds of pairs of shoes.

             

“Come on up.” Anita pulled my hand.

             

Anita’s house wasn’t very spacious, but looked very clean and neat. She took me to her room and showed me dozens of her DVD collections.

             

“Make yourself home, I’ll change clothes first.” That long-haired girl said before going out of her room.

             

I looked at the stack of DVDs. That’s a lot! From nineties dramas to the latest! Winter Sonata, Endless Love, Stairway to Heaven, Princess Hours, Coffee Prince! I felt as if I’d been surrounded by my favorite Korean actors and actresses.

             

“Anita, your turn to keep the shop!” Suddenly someone entered Anita's room.

             

I was very startled, two pieces of DVDs fell free from my hands. I immediately picked up the two DVDs from the floor.

             

“Eh, sorry. I thought you’re Anita.” The man said kindly.

             

I put the DVDs back on the table and turned to the source of the sound. You!

             

“Anita's friend, huh?” the words glided sweetly from your lips.

             

I was lost for words. I was hypnotized by your pair of brown eyes.

             

“Where’s Anita?”

             

You looked even sweeter up close, and your body, hmm... your body smelled really nice.

             

You furrowed your eyebrows, went out and closed the door, leaving me who was still not free from the snares of your charm.

             

“Your friend’s weird.” I heard you whisper behind the door.

             

“What do you mean weird?”

             

“Nothing. Anyway, go downstairs fast, ok? I’m going out. “

             

“Where are you going?”

             

“Not your business hehe.”

             

A few seconds later the door opened again and Anita appeared, “Did my brother bother you?”

             

I forced myself to get back to normal, “Yeah .. uh, nope ..  I mean, he was just asking where you were.”

             

“He’s so annoying. When Dad asked yesterday, he agreed to keep the shop all day, but now he ran away.” Even when frowning, Anita still managed to look beautiful.

             

“Have you found the DVDs you want to borrow?”

             

“Yeah.” I took a random DVD from the table.

             

“Secret Garden? You said you'd watched it. “

             

“Eh? Hm ... hm .. I want to watch again, really good.” I said, trying to cover up my nervousness.

             

“Are you nervous because of my brother?” Anita laughed.

             

I became more uncomfortable, how could she know? ”No.” I answered quickly, too quickly.

             

Anita laughed harder, “It’s okay, Nayla. He’s single now. His name is Desta, handsome, right?”

             

I was silent.

             

“I'll introduce you two later.” She smiled teasingly.

Somebody wants you

Somebody needs you

Somebody dreams about you every single night

Somebody can't breathe

Without you it's lonely

Somebody hopes that someday you will see

That somebody’s me

             

Desta, Desta, Desta...

             

Your name echoed in my head all the time. Whatever I did reminded me of you. Was that what people called love at first sight?

             

When I was busy thinking of you, my phone rang.

             

“Hello.”

             

“Hello. Nayla? It's me, Anita. Can you come to my house? I need help doing the homework Mrs. Dewi gave earlier. Please help me, please.”

             

She didn’t need to beg, I’d happily go to her place. Going to her place meant going to yours, meant I’d see you again!

             

“I'll be there in 10 minutes.”

             

I rushed to open my closet and pulled out a pile of clothes. I had to look beautiful. I had to get your attention!

             

After changing clothes a couple of times, I finally decided to go with a white V-neck tee and electric blue jeans. Hopefully you wouldn’t see me weird like you said to your sister the last time we met.

             

I ran to your house, but after realizing that the smell of my sweat could ruin the smell of perfume that I’d just sprayed on my body, I decided to walk slowly.

             

Arriving at your house, I peeked briefly in the direction of the shop, but I didn’t find your face, all I saw was a middle-aged man, apparently your father, “Good evening, Sir.” 

             

“Good evening, looking for shoes?”

             

“No, Sir, I'm Anita's friend.”

             

“Oh... Just go upstairs, Anita’s there.”

             

I smiled at him, and then went upstairs. Anita was watching TV.

             

“Hey.”

             

“What took you so long?”

             

“Sorry, traffic jam.”

             

“You're walking here, right?”

             

Stupid!

             

“Sit here.”

             

Awkwardly, I sat next to Anita. I looked left and right, trying to find you.

             

“Looking for Desta?”

             

“No.” my cheeks blushed.

             

“Don't be shy, Nay. I’d love it if you date my brother. We can be in laws in the future! It’ll be so fun!”

             

“What are you talking about? Nonsense! Anyway, which part of the homework you don’t understand?”

             

“What homework?”

             

“English, you said you needed help.”

             

“Oh that one, done already.”

             

“But you said...”

             

“Hehe... actually I just made it up, just wanted you to come over. I’ll introduce you properly to Desta.”

             

I felt my cheeks blush, but I had no idea how red they were.

             

“Desta... come here.” Anita waved her hand, I looked back. You wore a white shirt and shorts. It seemed like you’d just finished exercising. Oh God!! Do you know how perfect you look?

             

“What? I want to take a shower. “

             

“Okay then, go take a shower first, you stink!”

             

You nodded at me and then entered a room. I was too happy that I didn't have time to nod back at you.

             

“He’s gorgeous, right?”

             

“Yes.” I started to be honest about my feelings. It seemed impossible to get you without her help.

             

While you were in the bathroom, Anita told me a lot about you. You were two years older than us, you’d just graduated high school and still waiting for the result of your university entrance test, so for the time being you helped your father in the shop.

             

Twenty minutes passed, then you came out of the bathroom. Your half-wet hair complemented your charm.

             

“What’s up?” You sat next to me. Next to me! Oh my God! It felt like I was about to faint, the happiness was too much to handle!

             

“My friend wants to get to know you.” Anita turned around with a teasing smile towards me. If earlier I was going to pass out from happiness, now I wanted to pass out from embarrassment.

             

“Desta.” You said, extending your right hand.

             

I paused for a few seconds before my brain ordered me to welcome your hand, “Nayla.” Our first touch!

             

“I think I've seen you.” You said.

             

“Yeah, I was here yesterday.” I tried to sound as normal as possible. I didn't want you to think I was weird anymore.

             

“No, before that. Let me think. Aha, I just remembered. You're the girl I saw on the road near the lake right? When it rained dry leaves! “

             

You remembered me! 

             

“Maybe, I don't remember.” I managed to still sound calm even though my heart was beating so fast. You fukcing remembered me!

             

“Hm... hm...” Anita cleared her throat twice. We then chatted intimately. It turned out that besides being sweet, you were also friendly and funny. The more I got to know you, the deeper I fell in your spell.

             

A week passed. Thanks to Anita, we became very close. We texted each other every day, you called at least once a day. Not a single day went by without communication between us. I felt very happy! Now I knew you felt the same way about me.

             

Another week passed, you said you liked me. I couldn’t find words to describe how happy I was that time. I feel like the happiest person in the whole world!

             

When I told Anita that we were officially dating, she looked as happy as I was. She congratulated me again and again, and I thanked her again and again.

             

The days I spent with you were the most beautiful days of my life. We painted so many memories in a short time, a very short time. Exactly three months after we officially became lovers, you said that you got a scholarship to study in Australia. You didn't tell me to wait for you, instead you told me to look for someone else, “Thank you, Nay. I'm very happy to be with you for the last three months, but sorry, I have to go. You don't need to wait for me because it’s gonna be a long time. Find someone else okay, don’t wait for me.” Didn't you realize how your words hurt me? Was it that easy to tell me to look for someone else?

             

You left for Australia. I stared at the plane taking you away from me until it disappeared from my sight. I promised that I would wait for you, however long it’d take.

             

I was determined to wait for you even though you never contacted me again after that day. Anita and Sintia persuaded me to just let go of you. They didn't understand my feelings. They didn’t understand love.

             

Four years passed by. I was now a student at one of the small non-prestigious universities in my city. I didn’t want to obey my parents who told me to study outside the city. I wanted to make sure I’d be here when you returned.

             

It was the end of the rainy season, the winds blew hard, blowing the dry leaves, the same as when we first met. I got word from Anita that you were going home that day. I was willing to skip two classes to wait for you. I sat in the stall in front of your shophouse, waiting for your arrival anxiously. What are you like now? Do you still remember me?

             

After waiting for more than four hours, a black Sedan stopped in front of your father's shoe store. My heart was beating fast again. Someone got out of that car! You! With your shades, you looked more charming. I moved from my seat, intending to approach you, but my steps stopped when I saw a woman get out of your car.  Who was she?

             

My heart broke instantly. My waiting for four years had been wasted. I wanted to cry. I felt broken.

             

I went home with tears in my eyes. When I got to the room, I wiped my eyes. It could be your friend, or one of your relatives who also studied in Australia! A glimmer of hope appeared in my mind, I immediately called Anita.

             

“Hello.” A familiar voice, a voice I longed for, greeted me from the other end of the line.

             

Tears fell down my cheeks again. I really missed you, Desta.

             

“Hello.” You repeated.

             

I wanted to scream, to tell you how much I still loved you and hoped we could be together again like before.

             

“Who’s this?” You shouted impatiently.

             

“Desta,” I said quietly, my voice trembling.

             

“Yes, it’s me. Who is this?”

             

You didn't even recognize my voice? My tears flowed harder.

             

“Hello!!”

             

“Who's that, honey?” A woman's voice came.

             

“I don't know.” You hung up. That woman! Was she the woman who had come with you?

             

I was crying over my downfall. How could I be that stupid waiting for someone who clearly and directly asked me not to? My heart was breaking into pieces. Suddenly my phone rang, Anita.

             

I rubbed my wet cheeks, “Hello Nit.”

             

“Nayla, did you just call?”

             

“Ya.”

             

“Nayla, you should just forget Desta, okay? He came home with his girlfriend, they’ll get engaged soon.”

             

My phone fell from my grasp. I felt dizzy. Everything looked dark. My life ended here.

             

You got engaged, I came, congratulated you, you smiled, thanked me, as if we were ordinary friends, as if there had never been anything between us.

             

Even though you're engaged, I still wanted you. I was sure that my love was far greater than that woman's love.

             

Five months passed by. You got married, I came again, said congratulations, you smiled, said thank you. Couldn't you see my swollen eyes? Didn’t you see how hurt I was pretending to be okay when I was dying inside?

How, how could we go wrong?

It was so good and now it's gone

And I pray at night that our paths soon will cross

And what we had wasn't lost

'Cause you're always right here in my thoughts

Somebody wants you

Somebody needs you

Somebody dreams about you every single night

Somebody can't breathe

Without you it's lonely

Somebody hopes that someday you will see

That somebody's me

Oh yeah

You'll always be in my life

Even if I'm not in your life

'Cause you're in my memory

You, when you remember me

And before you set me free

Oh listen please...